why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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