I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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