youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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