God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
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Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
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steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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