Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
