I just pynch a tree in the face
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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