the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
