Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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