Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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