i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
