Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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