You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
