belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
