I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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