3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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