these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
