Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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