Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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