Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
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If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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