I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
