how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
