My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
