Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
