Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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