u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
