I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize