no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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