I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
