is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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