u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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