Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Is Oprah even human
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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