I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
