i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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