I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
