Apparently you make a good broom.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Sext me about skeletons
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
