i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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