Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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