i'm lost and i look like a hooker
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
