I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
