So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
