you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
