Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
