thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
