I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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