I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
