Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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