Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
