His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
