I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
North Korea, Best Korea!
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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