Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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