I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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