Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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