Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
