I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
