if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
