why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
