I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
