Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
