You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
