he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
