so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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