He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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