I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
